Weight Loss Confessions – Feeling Depressed

Today, I woke up feeling super heavy and overweight… at this point I feel super bipolar. Some days are good, but some days are extremely terrible when it comes to my ability to walk in confidence on this weight loss journey. If I\’m being honest, today I was feeling super suicidal for a moment. It felt like the end of the world, and I no longer wanted to live in this body anymore. There are so many days where I feel like it\’s totally unfair to be in a fat body when most others in the world appear to be at least attractive even if they aren\’t in perfect shape.

Don\’t get me wrong… I\’m grateful to not be facing any major health issues like diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. BUT that does not change the fact that wearing this fat suit is just NO FUN AT ALL!!!! I feel so uncomfortable in my skin and every time I think I\’m making progress, I wake up feeling worse. I seriously have been feeling under attack lately and I\’m so over it.

I swear, I\’m so determined to get this stupid weight off… 3 years from now, I\’m going to look back on this blog and be so proud, but today… UGH!!! So many people tell me to live in the moment and don\’t think too much about the future, but honestly, I\’m having so much trouble accepting who I am in this moment. It\’s as if I\’m living in the wrong body… \”like where the hell did my real body go and who misplaced it with this mess??!\” This is how I\’m feeling. Maybe I\’m living in a bad dream and any moment I will wake up from this and be so dang happy that this was not my actual reality!

I know… this is a little different from most days… usually I am super positive and uplifting with so much insight, but we all have these days, and I am grateful for this blog because this is just my way of venting.

Earlier all these thoughts were filling my head… like, \”I would be better off dead than living in this body super uncomfortable and sloppy or what was the point of even getting out of bed?\” There are also times when I get thoughts like, \”you\’re going to be alone forever because no one wants a person who looks like that.\” Really… I know these thoughts are not my own and I need to avoid coming into agreement with them because God has a bigger and better purpose for me. I know that I must truly be on the brink of a breakthrough, and I must continue to push through the bullcrap and speak back to those demons that try to place the negative ideas in my head.

Thank you for reading this blog and allowing me to vent to you.

I know that I\’m going to make it through… just watch! I even took my first step today in a more positive direction, I contacted a dietician/nutritionist. I will be okay.

If you would like to chat with me or just send some words of encouragement in private, feel free to do so at \’co******@*************es.com\’. I would truly appreciate some uplifting words. This journey can get quite daunting.