The true meaning of salvation.

Lately, I\’ve been asking myself what it means to have true salvation… not just holding on to a promise but to REALLY know God. Well, I believe that God has been revealing it to me. At one point in life I was feeling extremely depressed and suicidal because life was just too much. I grew up in an abusive household only to finally make it out and into an abusive relationship. Inside I truly felt alone and hated in the world. Rejected by whatever source was supposed to be protecting me. On several occasions I\’d ask myself what is the point in living and why am I here? It wasn\’t until I found out the truth that I really started to feel a purpose here in the earth, but that only lasted for as long as I was reading the Word and moving on the Word. At some point I felt like this \”Christian Life\” was becoming overwhelming and depressing. I started to feel like temptation and desire were coming back because I was feeling lovely and isolated in this walk. It felt as though God wants to take all of the fun out of just living.

BUT… If I\’m being honest with myself, was the life I was living really fun at all?… what it would appear now is that I am actually worse off than before I came into a conscious decision of living life for Christ. I have come too far to go back and I haven\’t gone far enough to stop pressing on. It\’s like a genuine pull on the inside that no one truly understands. The war is raging inside of me!

With all that in mind, I have to always go back to the meaning of Christ\’s death on the cross. God\’s word says that He knew me before I entered into my mother\’s womb. That means He had some sort of idea at least of what I was being born into just as He did all of us. He knew humanity and the crap that we were experiencing here in the earth. He also saw what I experienced and the abuse that I endured as a child, which is why He came up with a plan for me in advance before He sent me into this world. His word says that it is His desire for all men to come into the knowledge of Christ, therefore He saved me before I even entered into my mother\’s womb. I know that it had to hurt him watching me go through the things that I\’d gone through, but there was nothing He could do to take me out of it in the moment because the ball of life was already rolling and He could not break his own laws. He made a Jesus well in advance to take on the hurt and pain that I\’ve endured so that I could be free from that life.

Now that I can acknowledge the truth, I know that my battle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world and against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12) The war that is raging inside of me is a battle for my soul because there are 2 agendas here in the earth and only 1 can manifest. The world was created by God and His Word is the truth and the light that is going to come into the earth… not that it might come, but it is and it is here now. The enemy is a spirit and because he operates in darkness, we cannot see him with the natural eyes. He has been after the calling that God has placed on my life because He saw my light before I even knew that it existed. As a child, he came up with an agenda to stop the purpose of my life here in the earth by using the people who were supposed to protect me. The truth is though, I was protected because I am standing here today. God had a plan for my life and that mission that I\’ve been assigned to will be complete in the earth no matter what it takes.

He knew who I\’d become before I came into the earth and He has never and will never give up on me. His word says that He will never leave nor forsake me and I believe that.